Litter Quality…

So I was out with the dog for our morning walk in the park… As usual, the quantity and distribution of debris strewn across the ground was indicative of the previous night’s activities…

Outside the rear door of the auction mart was the obligatory pile of vomit, along with a recently used condom? Unfortunately, it was impossible to determine which item had been deposited first and, I can only their close proximity actually indicated a connection. If this was the case which came first, the poke or the puke? Either way, it probably wasn’t an indication of any forthcoming wedding. We can gain solace from the fact the condom was ‘used’ I suppose. Not a bad thing; at least on dole day there’ll be one less blinged up chavette clogging up the high street with her designer buggy! We continued our walk.

In addition to the usual quantity of windblown detritus strewn across the area, the main areas of concentration were nearest to rubbish bins and park benches. I’ve never been able to understand why the bins are always surrounded by rubbish, I could understand it if, the bins were full but they very rarely are. Perhaps the chavs think the bins are automatic and they actually collect the stuff up for you after you leave? All you have to do is discard whatever you no longer need in the general direction of the bin or just drop it wherever you’re standing/sitting.

The quality of today’s rubbish is sure-fire evidence of the fact that; Britain has turned into a nation of cosmopolitan foodies… It used to be the odd chip or a piece of fish batter that had fallen to the ground as you wobbled your way back home from the local chippy after a night on the beer but no longer… Today our youth gorge themselves on pizza, curry, kebab or chicken fried rice (as the quantity of empty pizza boxes and foil containers show). From time to time you may find the aftermath of the more mundane fayre such as MacDonald’s or a KFC bargain bucket. However, this is usually dependant upon there being sufficient petrol money left from the dole cheque for a drive out-of-town in the loudly painted spoiler toting boom box.

It was interesting however that last night’s debris was slightly different. The usual empty vodka bottles, half empty beer tins and the odd discarded hypodermic syringe were less evident. In their place I found a couple of ‘keg shandy’ six pack wrappers, an empty ten pack of menthol cigarettes and an organic non alcoholic wine bottle, what can I read into this?

Our hood wearing townies have signed the pledge? The chav population has suddenly developed a health kick? Whoever did the shopping was short of money or couldn’t read the bottle/tin labels? No, it’s more likely that last night’s revellers were actually the new generation of party animals i.e. the under sixteens!

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