A simple fact…

If you are male and happen to be part of any female’s electronic distribution list, you will have noticed the stuff they find funny. And in particular, I’m referring to the plethora of humorous (or sometimes totally derogatory) text messages and e-mails that get circulated about blokes.

I got the ‘set of rules’ (see below) in reply to one of my earlier posts (Wired). I’m aware there are different versions and plenty of them have been circulated / published before but it still illustrates a widely known (but less understood) fact; woman and men perceive relationships and emotions in totally different ways…

Far more articulate and educated ‘experts’ than I, have continually attempted to decipher the roots of this problem in the past. Funny that? I’ve never really perceived it to be a ‘problem’ per se. So long as you are aware of ‘the fact’, aware that ‘it’ exists, will ‘never change’ and most importantly, you don’t bloody worry about it, things will be fine in the end. If not? You are probably with the wrong bloody partner – Simple!

Has any eminent psychologist committed that to print in a marriage guidance counselling manual? I doubt it…

This viewpoint may be why I’m on my second marriage (and last darling, honest). It may also be the reason why; I sometimes have difficulty remembering exactly how many partners I’ve had over the years (or is that age)? Perhaps it is also why I find enduring partnerships so utterly amazing, despite some scepticism.

Partnerships are probably far less durable now than was the case in previous generations. Factors such as social stigma, embarrassment, lack of financial security (for women) and a ‘sense of duty’ all had an influence upon the longevity of marriage. Factors, even more pronounced if the couple had children. In short, society actually valued ‘the family’ and the ‘sanctity’ of marriage (with or without any religious aspect), a notion not so popular today. Notice I chose the word marriage (as opposed to partnership) intentionally.

The long-term ‘civil partner’ type relationship is a relatively new status in history and, it may have also been seen (by some) as a form of escapism from reality and/or responsibility. Having said that, recent changes in (UK) law have now seen some of that bolthole get filled in. Rats from sinking ships will obviously now have to burrow a bit harder!

That’s my view on the matter and, one that would take pages and pages of argument (and no doubt counter argument) to explain. I’ll stop there, before it gets messy…Bit like divorce?

“Hommes et femmes? C’est la vie et Vive la différence”!

Getting back to the electronic circulation of (generally good humoured) pokes at the opposite sex, it is interesting to see how much merriment (for both sexes) the subject has raised over the years. The topic has also become a mainstay in numerous commercial advertising campaigns, usually delivered from the perspective sex of the target audience.

One commodity that has seen great success rates with this type of advertising is beer… Many of these adverts, both in print and electronic formats, have developed a cult status following. One such example was Man Laws (Men of the Square Table), a series of beer commercials for Miller Lite, inspired by the supposed unwritten codes by which men live (see Wikipedia).

Question: Is it acceptable for a man to leave his fellow men in order to leave with his woman?

Answer: No, however, this ruling can be overturned if she is deemed attractive enough by said fellow men.

The email: ‘Man Rules for Women’

Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down.
Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, and NASCAR.
Sunday = sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
Shopping is NOT a sport, and no, we are never going to think of it that way.
When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
Crying is blackmail.
Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work. Just say it!
We don’t remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
Most guys own three pairs of shoes – tops. What makes you think we’d be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
A headache that lasts for 12 months is a problem. See a doctor.
Check your own oil… Please!
Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
If you won’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.
If something we said could be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it’s genetic.
You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done – not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.
ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
I am in shape? – ROUND is a shape.